Dean and I, we’ve been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don’t know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I’ve made my peace with that, but… Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don’t even know if you’re out there, but… If you are… And if you can hear me, I… We need your help, God. We need to know there’s hope. We need a sign.
i can’t rewatch spn season 1 because every episode dean’s like when we find dad we can be a family again. and sam goes i dont want that (i spent so long fighting for my own freedom. dad disowned me and hurt us and i dont understand how you can forgive him so easily and act like nothing happened. how can you keep making excuses for him? i had to work so hard to build a life without him, without you. and you never even came to find me. how could you ask me to go back?)
and dean’s like why not? (i gave up so much so you could have something even close to a normal childhood. all those years spent arguing with dad and hiding things from you so you could grow up carefree. i have to accept that dad did the best he could because the alternative is too much for me to bear. you said you didn’t want anything to do with the hunting life so i kept my distance. you look at me like im a stranger instead of your brother and im starting to think that all these years ive spent alone, everything ive sacrificed, was for nothing) and im just supposed to be normal about that i guess
(this is the savannah bananas. they dance. they wear kilts. they Love The Boys. also they have a dance team made up of seniors called the banana nanas, a “dad bod cheerleading squad”, the man-nanas, and a charity organisation focused on foster care called bananas foster)
“You know what? Honestly? I know what Rowena is dealing with. And she’s not the only one who… [inhales deeply] feels helpless. I mean, I had a plan, you know. I, uh… Help Jack, bring Mom back. It wasn’t much, but it was something. It – it kept me from spinning off the rails. And now… Jack is gone, Mom is still in hell, basically, and I-I-I- just… Dean, we don’t have a plan. We don’t know what to do. So – so how?”
Love how in “The Chitters” (S11E19) Sam and Dean meet yet another romantic couple who are meant to be their direct parallel/foil, and when Dean says they act “like brothers,” the other guy has to stare him right in the eyes and tell him “Yes, we act the same as you do, but no, it’s not because my partner and I act like brothers, it’s because you and your brother act like a married couple.”
